12/2/08



My Love Of Danielle Steel or MLODS

*
500 word essay on Creating, Revising and Surprising

This semester I drew on my thoughts of Love, writing love poems to my significant other, and drew on Danielle Steel's love poems to create material by stealing from Steel. Actually, I tried to rewrite her work, rearrange it. Other times, I just reflected on the present emotional or spiritual state I was in. Sometimes I wrote in a meta-persona based on myself, or a hyper-exaggeration of my self. I never felt at a loss for creating material, but I realize I like being in a workshop. I can produce on my own without academic pressure, but I produce a lot less. It will help me to stay involved in a writing salon when I am finished with my degree. I produced new work at Idyllwild, and often wrote lots of new stuff at the intensive Antioch Residencies... which I am told, I can attend for free if I like as an alumnus. I intend to go back there if I am ever on the west coast and have the time.
Revision for me happens over time. I revise while I write, but often fall in love with a new piece, then get sick of it, and then come back to it after a period of time and see it fresh and more objectively, but with a guarded respect for it. I don't like Revision to seem like gruelling work. It is more fulfilling and productive for me to view revision as self admiration and introspection. If I can approach it therapeutically, I am more likely to do it, where as if I see it as a job, I am more likely to procrastinate or come at it with a irritable demeanour. I understand Ellen Bryant Vogt revises a poem 50 times and play with it a lot. I like to play with myself too, but not that much! Seriously, my process is very messy and disordered. It usually works well for me, but gets me into trouble sometimes.
My work tends to be performative, and is meant to be read aloud, and not meditated on. Then again, I don't know how other people perceive it. I can only see myself and my cat as my intended audience. It is like throwing words into the ether... so I find it really surprising to see the feedback that I get is mostly positive. I am being read and critiqued by peers who are mainly not familiar with my prior work, or my performance poet persona. This is a large asset, as they are more likely not susceptible to being swayed by my stage presence as a coffeehouse performer, performance artist, etc... The workshop with people I don't know gives me more objective feedback, whereas if I was in a mutual admiration society, even with people who were rigorous, they'd be more likely to be familiar with my voice, technique and style... which is okay too, but here I can see what others think who are interested in poetry, but not biased toward liking or disliking me. That is the biggest benefit of continuing to workshop... and thus, it might also be good to go to writers conferences... try and get scholarships to Bread Loaf, or a Stegner Fellowship, or Mustard Seed, or Pomegranate, or Poetry Roach Motel or Anus Spa, or etc....

steellove

i cant even begin to pretend to be
ill be here all night
dont come home
i am the supersplendid
fly free get drunk get laid
so go out stay out
go ahead ladycool
im free because it rained
and i was tired
i dont care
but caring far too much
trying to pretend
im lying
i dont give a damn
how late your key
chimes in the lock
im cool
absolutely vast
my one and only man
how late
in the bed
as it turns
in my ear
tonight
*
dear danielle steel

i hope u dont think im mocking you
u have a sweetface
u sold over a million hundred books
everybody reads you

the nashville banner says

ms steel excels at pacing her narrative
which races forward mirroring the frenetic lives chronicled
here men and women swept up in bewildering change
seeking solutions to problems never before faced

harold bloom says

u reached new plateaus of emotionality
capturing the angst of class despair

ive never read your books
the klone and i, the long road home, the ghost, special delivery, the ranch hour, honor made,
river dystopic, paris lightning, wings the gift accident vanquished, mixed blessings, jewels no greater than love, heart beat from nam, daddy star zoya, kaleidoscopic fire, things wander, lost secrets, family album fuck circle, choking thurston house, crossings once in a lifetime a perfect stranger remembers, palomino, love in pain, the king loving to love again. summer's end, season of passion, the promise now and forever, passion's promise, going home.
now I have.

I promise to one day visit your website at www.daniellesteel.com
I know you're going with dell, but one day I will publish you and you dedicate
yr poems to john with all your love. I want your love ds.
I dedicate this to humanity.

DS and I make love

you unzip
I unzip
Our breasts jiggle against each other
our buttocks bounce against one another
our thighs clap like thunder
we cry like lions
like tigers
roar, roar
we kiss
we climax
we sob
like babies
wah wah
the world stops
George Bush has a thought
The personal is political
the political is personal
interesting
would you like to do it again?


DS sends me a text

lol u
omgd
run2me
4 evuh?






DS and I write a romance novel


In Which...
DS gives a Commencement Address
DS and I have a fight
DS and I make up
DS and I go to a concert
DS and I eat out
DS and I smoke pot

Dear DS:

I admit I’m stupid
I mean- I was a Jewish neo-Nazi

How do you explain that?
I saw Reagan on the TV

thought he was my grandpa
I used to curse god

when my football team lost
couldn’t tie my shoe until I was 13

cut half my hair
dyed it blue black white

I thought fascism was sexy
combat boots and trench coats

And Hitler was just misunderstood
he was really just a sad child

with a dream of being a painter
I listened to charles manson

and I havn’t killed anyone
yet; although, I can’t speak for those who have

heard me. I know I am a fuck up.
100 k in the hole

fat with rotting teeth
a messy home that crawls

with rodentia, roacha and cat turds
I have a genius IQ yet am retarded

I stare at the walls singing Amazing Grace and masturbate

I have an Obama and a Mccain bumper sticker
I can’t make up my own mind

I want everyone to win
I climbed Mt Charleston

Stripped off all my clothes and recited the Pledge of Allegiance

To the beaver in the Barney Bear cartoon
If I were Faust

I’d sell my soul too
because the devil was just a sad child

with a overworked father
who was always on the road

The older I get
The less I know

I don’t know what love is
It just sounds better

Than acid reflux
We pass gas we illuminate

The darkness we disintegrate
Into each other if there is

No love then there is this

ih

Concepts and objects
no ideas and no things
ih.
ih ih ih

I am soup.
you are soup
we are soup
there is no soup

boobs, ass, thighs, cock
heart, soul, brain
poop, pee
jism sweat
vomit
aria
lint from belly button
egg shell
skull
cat hair
coffee grounds

Rush Limbaugh
in Groucho mask

Ann Coulter
kissing Madonna

Ronald Reagan
Butt Sex with Nancy

Jesus Christ talking with his mouth full.
sperm salad sandwich
gringo the lilacs
philistine

Genocide is kinky sex
spanking children is kinky sex and moral.
Child Molestation rocks the sports arenas. Da da da da da da Hey!


I CAN HEAR THE NEIGHBORS below having sex,
I hear her screams, his grunts
and I realize there is nothing good on tv
I listen. They are having fun. The bumpity bump bump.
It occurs to me, that I am having sex by proximity. My molecules are floating into their molecules. We are a menage au trois. Separated by a mere 8 feet. I fart.
It doesn't ruin the moment. They are coming, and I am responsible. I am really good in bed

**********
Masturbation gets an unfair rap... the name sounds harsh. Auto Eroticism sounds mechanical
is there no loving term to describe it -solitude.

***********

If abortion is made illegal, would they be able to arrest me for spilling my seed? For killing billions of potential babies by wanking? If God were to hold me accountable for that, then wouldn't it be his fault for not making the sperm more resilient?



Dear DS,

Took Madonna 2 minutes to forgive me today... The average American chews enough gum to fill up Wrigley field in their lifetime.... Drinks enough coffee to stretch out from here to the sun... There is nothing we can not accomplish... We can make oil out of mass graves... turn genocide into generation... turn a negative into a positive.... Lynchings into luncheons... we can do it... in America... Columbines are flowers... we make Charlie Mansons into Mansions...Winchesters are rifles and so are Daisys...we name our Atomic bombs...we name our hurricanes.... as if they were coming over for a barbecue...The Death Penalty is just a VIP pass to the next dimension...Abortion is a bore shun. You're shunning a boring life. Cutting in line to the next world...Starvation is just the new fad diet...Poverty is poetry with a V in it... pronounced Frenchly...if you want to create good art... kill a rat and eat it... eventually the rat will become you and you it...Today I masturbate...tomorrow I master the bait while I shun it
...America, vote for me...I am none of the above all of the above... and everything in between
not applicable...did not compute... did not even take the fucking exam...Give me your tired... your poor... your weak... I will eat them...You can say the worst things in the world... so long as you say it with a smile on your face...You can kill a billion people so long as you do it with love
anything is possible...Murder is the new dance...If you believe god is watching guess again...There are better things to do...like pick your nose...stare at airplanes as they come in for a landing... take off over and over again... as if there were such a thing as closure....




10-5

DS,

I must have been born stupid, in a stupid world to stupid parents who lived in a stupid house in a stupid city in a stupid country, so you think I would fit right in, but no... I was stupider. I was so stupid I thought Minnesota was a city, and St Louis was a state, and New Jersey was a foreign country. Some say that it is. I was so stupid I thought that 2 never went into 4, but was best friends with four, so I thought that made 24. I told my first grade teacher that I wanted a blow job. She thought I was being dirty. I thought I was being generous.
We were threatened with a paddle for misbehavior. And if we really misbehaved, we would have to strip naked, get up on the table and do the hustle.
My mother was an All American Mom, she drank a fifth every night, and had the breath of ancient rulers. At my graduation, she told me I would cure polio. But first we have to spread it.



There is love and then there is love and then there is love, and we all know what it is, and we all know what it looks like. We araall lovers lost without love, not knowling what love really is, gorgetting the love that we are created with. This is the thing. Love is all around us, yet we can't see it, it is like dark matter, it is everywhere, like god, and it is in the air, and we breathe it all the time, so why do we kill each other, and why don't we guck always? I think love is nice now, and beautiful, but love was embarassing once... I didn't want my momma to kiss me, because I was a boy, also, I wanted my own space. Do the trees have anything to say. can the spirits of the world save us from the asteroids what about my cough? You know it is a cycle, and it is all natural and it iis dtellar that fell into form and angels int eh land and stuff and ones name is ones own and a star gfell into form and crustallized and the ebings came with that fall and gell into form and fell into form and fiell like life and are very angelic and my queen and the faery beings and the angel down there and maye you see a fallen angel and lore lore lore and god is showing up and the faery lords and magic and seers and druids and forces and grace and endscape of form and these are not daemonic ambivalent and you know the ecology of the encounter of the spirit of cooperation of spirits and humans and stuff embodied love like incarnate and carnate and everything and everyone is spirit and spirit and intelligence and pattern organizied and structured and science art technology and inspiration wing spirit and stuff and love is anywhere you seel is, and in this world and the other world of rippling energy wings and lofty high rise and practical ripple wave like wings. and love is abound everwhere absolutely don't you want one what we know we are all companions and families and faery collaboration and ancestral and stuff faery enchantment you know. Love and shit. So now I myst stip and smell the roses, or the shit, which ever comes first, and happens to be in my vicinity. I am here, and there is love and there is love, and there is love. so that is where I am and you can find me here and that is all good. I am only here and where are you and love is everwhere. What are we to do about this and what are we to do about this and what are we to do I am here and I am not so significant. are you significant and do you care? What is that in your hair? I don't know. I am only here and I kave no idea why. Do you know why? What is poetry? no really. What are we doing here? really. What the fuck am I saying?
**************************







DS

Love is all we have
when we have nothing to hang onto

when no one wants you
no one

you might as well be tortured
or commit suicide

but even death doesn't want you
you're that stupid

but you're special
and that is why we love you

because you are a miserable fuck
alone in the universe


The Middle Mind
is a ship without rudder
a cow without udder
a boy without mudder

it is me
incompetent
disabled
lost at sea
in the university
othered
brothered
there is I
a stupid \idy
serene dipity

moving down the evolutionary latter
sliding down the social scale

Taking humanity backwards
an idjit
a nincompoop
a dupe
zero the hero
oblivious al
seeing everything aware of nothing
a social fuck

what am I doing here
in the universe
a total fuck


DS
Jesus is coming back
to collect his royalties
will appear on Oprah,
with Mel Gibson and
Willem Defoe, smiles
and waves. Newly Revised
Bibles under every chair,
even in the tv viewing
audience. BTW It’s prounouced,
Hey-Zeus. She reminds us.
His parables, oft praised, but never
understood, has
a few master lectures
to give at the New School
then will meet the president,
shake hands, tour the bookstores
across the country, then do Europe
and Africa/Asia, will make the pope
jealous, then in a dizzying spectacle,
will float back up into the heavens
seen all over the world
to work on his next book.
some will claim it is a suicide, others
a homicide, some a conspiracy
others a publicity stunt, and some a miracle
which ever way, it will
keep us occupied
for another millenia or two.





Treeness

so just one
leaf falling
among many
don't stand out
just an ordinary
piece of the puzzle
don't have much
to offer really just
soaked up the sun
for awhile took some
now just passing on
so what of it
will disintegrate
compost recycle
make a new tree grow
will always be here
no matter
just is
need not be top leaf
or first to fall
may never be plucked
may not even blossom
so what of it
no matter
's'all good.



The projector

The film strip is melting from
the heat of the projector
you can see history blurring
and distorting over time

even the ink that spills
in to my brain is diluted
my memory cells fall
by the millions

I count my gray hairs
sprouting up on my face
and watch the kids
who are taking my place

with their transformers
and I pods, arrows in
to the future, blips
dancing blissfully
like I long to be


The tree

There are branches that never touch
except when the wind tells it to

intertwining they meet and spark
sometimes igniting

it could be a kiss of Eros
but they're related so

let's not go there, but nevermind
this tree is your skin and mine

and we are rooted on this big ball
of dirt that hangs in the balance



The gas

What makes us laugh
is not the brilliant observation
of the satirist
but the imagined fart
that we are suppressing
but would like to let loose
on our fellows in the audience
break the smugness in the air
with smogness. Let us bathe
in bodily function's odd symphony
that seems to always have its way
and if it does break, the humility
is a good thing, the laughter
cleansing. Beg pardon
and continue with our lives.



Things we stole from our parents

risking my hide when I was ten
I stole silver dollars from my dad's coin chest
to buy french fries at the snack bar
and played Pac Man for hours on end,
or minutes as the case often was.

My father said that his brother stole them
from him when he was a kid
but as it turned out dad had used
the coins to pay for my brother's
foot operation according to legend

But I truly know where those coins went
and the places and moments they were spent
the guilt, the fear, the wanting,
I wonder if Judas bought ice cream with his.





The Bleeding

It is in the bleeding
this place where we disengage
where the world becomes fixed
and the problems of the soul
matter less.

The hurt done to us
has its way
and every curse
you throw at God
bounces back on you
like hailstones.

Yet if not addressed
it pesters you like a cat
wanting caress

and as soon as you
pet the kitty,
she will be sure to purr
and the bleeding somehow
always stops.


Deportee

It doesn't change much
the immigrant still has to fight
the system, the haters, the exploiters

But at least we have the songs
that flowed down the Baez, Dylan, and Guthrie
We hear the tunes and hum them

back to the night, looking up at the stars
knowing our tribes are just splinters of
wood struck by lightning, and we are no

different from Juan, Jesus and Maria.
We practically are them, so why do
we send them away, still? Out of our
cruelty, may they weave more songs
of compassion.


DS

I was that blissful
the world was nothing
just me and space
take your poem Joy:

in the morning dawn
in your sun joy
in the morning being
one

your head in
your hand
new life
feeling loving
our own

ever hopeful
burning rivers in my head
then you flee
leaving me alone

the things I fear
the dreams
ugh my soul
aware at last
the landscape
eventually
different
love the real
the young
and bare
never think
and know
the same

we shared
the gift
at last
of me
of you
of life
skies
first light
hopeful
bright
begin
*

when harry met sally
in casablanca

the world is a wasteland
beautiful hon your horn

nobody wants to hear my
vitriol even poetry has to be

restrained contained ds cuz
no one likes a whiner even

I don't I can't stand me right now
my head gets so full of shit

even my ordinary delusions of grandeur are humble
don't take me serious ds I am

just a note of dust adrift
in the great didactic toilet

you are a poet
I am just an asshole

& I happen to be a dick too
plus my breath reeks of garlic

decay and nuclear porn
the leaves are crumbling

each brick a slap in the face
I'm not good looking socially

unadapted I pee in water bottles
and spill them on pavements

telling people its mtn dew
gone flabby speaking

of cocks I'm sorry I went
flaccid when you beheaded

the other night I was
thinking about judith butler

performing gender and class
reproduction I wonder what am I

supposed to do as a poet educator
manager producer author

itarian murderer fuhrer poophead what is love
in less than 100 words how do we do what we do

so what it is pooh bear
we are consumers

Through and through
peer into my eye and tell me I am not you


Tuesday, September 16

DS,

sometimes life
shits on you
all you can do is take it
the bills, the sickness
the flat busted tires
the low grades
the joblessness
dumpings rejections
cheating etcetera
and at some point
you realize self pity
is just an ingredient
there is more to our plight
than you can imagine
eternal magma awaits
and death is no cure
even jesus doesn't escape
so if I'm wrong
and there is no hell
then what are
we crying about
for it's not that bad
so take your
beatings
with a smile
the blisters on your skin
are bubbles of joy bursting
forth- the sting of your sores
are labor pangs as you give
birth to a new paradigm
we suffer
therefore
we whine

we bellyache
therefore
we make
art

there is nothing complex
here
you too
are worthy
of eternal
suffering

embrace laughter
for that is
the only salvation
a fragment of love's
momentary brilliance

chatting with DS At Readings
there is a peanut gallery
more people than the room can fit
extra credit boredom or love of poetry
doesn't matter people are here for
whatever reason the aria
the slam dunk the wojahn wonder
the day after obama took kings dream
further to fruition
i feel good i don't feel depressed
even though my brother D got laid off
from counseling in SD he is awesome
life is awesome the students complain
about snow
which hasn't fallen yet- i see a womans
butt crack the american butt crack red
white and blue kevin stein introduces him in
a library room with grey headed portraits
2 men holding a globe
a clock the students want to drink fuck play
anything but hear poetry or maybe they hunger
for it like death row convicts for jesus
just not consciously yet
2 extremes muscle mind pomp circumstance
vulnerability political anger out of love
fascism is always paved with good intent
conservere liberate
radical reactionary
we fragile beings
the skin bones in here hearing words
the butt
in seats the lips pursed ears open
hearts agape excavation poem after making love
soothing voice love tenderness
human experience
anger can become action
anger can become acceptance wisdom
we fragile existence overgrown eggs
we become one with our legs
we challenge each other each and every day
we become speech
()
I am walking down the street and that is all I
have to say- the world is mauve
the carpet stained and death is always
just a door nail away
we are all lame ducks in this life so we
might as well make the best of it let our hear down
so to speak and do a group hug but first an enema
and then a milkshake and then a word from our sponsor
and then there was blood everywhere and then there were three
and then we must to market and sell this sow for bread
and then someone has to clean up this mess and then I ate the
whole damned thing and then words started to emit and then the walls
started to breat e but I wan't intoxicated just caught in a torrential uppour
and i saw eagles flying high above the clearing and I saw wind impersonate spirit
and i saw science uncover so many truthes that the world became naked and was not
ashamed and i saw reality fly outside the window because it was factory produced and never coherent and i saw fluids drain from my spine and knees and i became waterless skin and bones where was i ds i dunno what am i talking about...art no am not talking about art am talking about rat we are rat and we are here to stay

*

my tongue touches the back of my teeth
chipped falling apart
the body deteriorates gladly
we glide toward death
the lady bug flies away toward the light
i dare not fart at the tim o brian reading
i do not want 1000 eyes directed at me
knowing that i fart
let's keep that my little secret
today i am one that coughs at the reading
tomorrow it's you-- let us cough


Love is a slightly worn lampshade that covers a lamp that is not plugged in
Just how do I end this DS
We all wonder when does it end

mejgsbskaehmks
we are thinking the same thing
about everything
does it really end
Have I checked your website
Dublin Steel
Doorstop Schpiel
Dammned Succotash
Derriere Salad
Dynasty Shmynasty
Dostoyevsky Soyburger
Dandilion snot
we are all you
your poems are beautiful
as they are
I only revise them
to view anew
to stick my eye
into you lovingly
ah

Dear DS
I have to admit I am unhappy here
on this planet with its teeth I don’t grasp
I feel out of place beaten down can’t relate
would love to be a hermit feel incompetent

rage empathy fucked seething cackles flesh holes knownothing snob lovers glass echoes prayers voices antipoetry non writing not thinking not doing not being not nothing

I need warmth I am dumb
I don’t belong I a m so full of shit
how could you love me
I can see why there is hate

Why genociderapesuicide
And am capable of all these things
am capable of nuclear destruction
give me a button and I’d push it

if it were with me long enough
that is why I must avoid power
I could see myself a hitlermussolinimanson
except I am weak I couldn’t kill a fly

save for the everyonceinawhile fly
I could destroy all life just close
my eyes and when I die
you will too

I need love I need heat I need money
I need status I need statehood I need manifesto
I need oranges I need mucous I need worms
I need a fuckcicle. We all need a fuckcicle


No se
the people shrieking someday
is a place
I read the notes or two
motorcycle someday
with a yearning
a time I nod my head
or three
and static like banshees a dream
I hold my pen hot rock
a man I knew
a blade of summer
I try to say who will
take of your soul
and loved grass
the things hastening
explaining their ways dried out
they need care
swift step in a someday
and reminiscent
to hear toward noise
breaking of a day
but what of me
ever quicker sort of way
when someday where will you be
in your life All hearts was reality
next week
whispers because today and filled
when I'm alone of me
the angry till the end with hope
or when I want to send
as you used to do
kill Octopus
was never quite someday
my book
your self created was a word
who will look
airplane hectopus
his style we used at my work
toward noise of their days
to taunt the way you did oh daddy
is it
in your car hexagon
someday each other
who will speak true
on the stereo was a child
a distant spot the truth
that you are gone
that will never round
we would have had
we hungered for who will remind me
run faster but didn't
but were anxious of my youth
and I am grown
admist the people
lovers not to find
must I be a grown up
yes you are
away a time
I knew too soon now
from peace will cheat
crying rainbows
that you have fled I am
in the air
would come
dripping tears
who will tuck me
as I sit here
pace make their own
reminding me
all alone
into bed always
but never has of what you were
crying rainbows
if I wish to be faster wailing
sound to them
a child again I listen
to your friends of one
of my own

my objectionable content
DS competition is a swindle it seems to be all about shoving those below down wtf cant we get over it it is so immature why cant we just love one another like lennon said why cant we just fuck each other right here right now let me take out my cock u your pussy dispense with the pretense no clothes no games no poetry just you and me for the next 2 minutes we can do it we can change the world we can save the world with my jism and your ova ds you got enoug money i got enough academic credits lets fuck for the sake of humanity then we can go on go our separate ways not see eachother like forever you dont have to look at me I dont have to look at you I dont have to read your goddawful poetry and you dont need to read mine fuck love we can hate each other far more fun we dont even have to have sex lets just fight with knives guns words let us tear each other apart send enemas into the heart let us be models of mutually assured destruction you are russia i am america you show me yours ill show you mine what else is there to do we both chose to be poets no no no silly poetry chose us wait poetry chokes us how profound i feel better like a nice dump i am such an ass im too hard on myself haha i said hard on do i have a hardon ds i am such an agressive prick hitler stalin bush who me i am just another liberal drone a social security # running for the showers mein fuhrer i regret that i have but one life to give for my country unless i get reincarnated as a fly on shit so you tell me to smile think happy thoughts take a walk in the woods proust in the leaves awe at the snowscapes dream in the clouds eat hotfudge sundaes give god to glorry become ubiquitous disintegrate all matter forget i ego into self achievement work status there is no huge spider on my leg there is only skin held together by millions of tiny spoders it is here i take umbrage with all the poems i cant understand the ones that make me feel stupid like i should have gone into some other bizness i realize my poems are trite they are about nothing other than myself they couldnt possibly appeal to anyone other than my shrink and i have to pay him to read them i got the self pity blues i got them low down self pity blue ooze i got the redundant self pity blues i oughta stick my head in an oven how original joyce carol oates appears in the american heritage dictionary between oatcake and oath see her buggy eyes so where do we go from here ikea sez home is the most important place in the world so what insert adjective into my vagina this preparation is intended for use in cases of torture only as a temporary expedient until a dentist can be consulted do not use continuously whats with frat boys and paddles didnt they get spanked enough by their ma and da dear crab orchid + creem city bite my entire ass dear paris review you suck youre going out of business you too poetry i got published in my asshole i only have one subscriber speaking of sunshine it was a glorious day i got out of bed made french toast sang if your happy n u know it and i clapped my hands so hard it rained

Saga of the Flat Tire
oh my car b- I am in epeoria after
my car blue a flat and my spair
didn't work either- i was
noivous- and swerved ont a curb on
e washington in epeoria-
wasn't paing attention and wammo
guess I was worried about
the presentation for cbreu tonight
thus I am going to miss it
this all happened around 3 PM
and I finally gave up on
the spare around 440-
so I am sitting on the side of
the road waiting on the toe truck
hahaha- how life is funny-
but a poem came out of it- just hope
I don't fuck up my grade in cbreu's class
I have a hard enough time getting b's
I have to take a shit- what is funny is
J is in pain David Foster Wallace
hung himsef and here I am torturing
my students with quizzes when I hardly
know what the fuck I'm doing--

Hurricane Ike fucked Galveston's
Shit up- life is a nice long proctological exam- such is life.- But
overall things are good- even if I
schrew up big time- I really can't
complain- I mean- I am just
experiencing everything- and say- if
I did join the army- wouldn't that
be good experience for my art?
Sure- I'd probably lose my humanity
but isn't humanity overrated?
So what I must do now is breathe
and allow nothingness to take its
course- sometimes life shits on you
but this isn't a dump truck-
just a little bird dropping-
one can always handle that.
One must always be peed off
one must always be grateful
astounded at the trees
furious through all the follies
we are in pain
and then we die

but at least there are trees
and tires on the road
and shit that we encounter
and bad language there is
pain= be grateful for the pain
for it is experience- feeling
and you are not inanimate
wave at the middle fingers that
fly by you- if you want
to make god laugh tell him
to fuck off a hawk
circles above me in epeoria
then disappears through the trees
u know bigass trees
my nordstroms are now dirty
covered with debris
rocks and pebbles and dust and shit
and I am wowed by it
I should be happy
I have to take a shit
Should I sing aloud
howl at the cars that
zoom by me
what is my rhetorical situation?

there is a carwash nearby
and a watertower
and I have to pee
and I cannot leave my
green hornet now
I am stuck here
such is life
ladeefuckinda-

there a weeping willow
it cries for me
andy poor poor andy
it says fuck you
stupid human- you
shoulda been a tree
ha ha
I can't argue with that-
we should all be trees
a sparrow a finch
a satellite dish
the clouds roll by
we are all drifters
in the cosmos
a turd awaits my commode

opus is an anagram of soup
boy I could go for some soup
would stanley fish share a
bowl with me?
I like chicken and rice by
campbells because it is made
of all 2000 elements in the
periodic table
thesis antithesis synthesis Rock.
We all win-
the cloud is a giant turd-
a locust just fell from the sky
on the side of the road and died
it had a good life
lived long and prospered
was giving-
never shat on me
in public
ah bugs
I sit here
holding in pee and
miscellania
awaiting mr toe truck
to come rescue me
from my ivory tower
of academia 547
it's a wonder I don't hear
rage against the machine on hold-
it's all my fault- I should have
driven on 150- or ate something
at icc- I was nervous about a fucking
presentation- WTF! oh well-
I guess I 'm always teetering on the
edge to some extent- my problem here
is I don't have much leg room-
that is do I have room to be ill
to have car trouble- No!-
one thing goes wrong and it's like
everything is fucked-
but at least i'm not in Iraq
or Afghanistan-
bullets aren't showering down on
me- I am just here- a peon
in academia- a professional bum
writing papers- going to therapy
writing crap called poetry
grading papers supposedly
pretending I understand
what I'm reading
pretending I am smart
when actually I drool
pick my nose and think
of womens' buttcheeks
ugh!
I am really a gorilla
an anemic one
-rather hairless
just a biped
crawling through Earth

Nobody really loves
Me
the Sun will devour
us in 5 billion years
so don't feel bad
for me-
you won't be around
then either
we are all just wisps
of excreted air floating
around
btw-I feel better now
that I have urinated
and the toe truck guy called me
he says he'' be here shortly
there is love in the universe

I am at the epeoria chiropractic
clinic parking lot 1605 e washington
it's now 7PM it has been
nearly 4 hours since my disaster
I wonder if all the Ash trees
will disappear-
I still have to shit-
we all have to
-
I am at home now
I am safe
all is well
except
I still have to go
Poetry
Be my laxative

let the world
flow

dread nothingness carved in stone
I dread now your touch and the smile rough just before you go silently and i nod my head whispering softly no your hand that frightens makes me flinch and the smile that doesn't warm me anymore to the core i dread you now your anger quicker than laughter that we knew i dread you dread now the sight of all that I no longer see in you fraying magic forces me to speak when once silence was enough now you are after rough
you ass happy just before you go and silently you carve me in stone with your lazy finger sculpting me etching the icy nooks you once made soft and warm you carve me in stone now with the plastic you torch of your passion to chill too quick too week as your lukewarm no more burns we both know which secretly burning love of your powers with the flowers giving birth bearing leaves to bark my wood turned before differently you carved me marble flinching sparks at my shooting tinfoil fraying magic a man touched me today and covered me with nothing a man i used to love the one i cared about so much but this time as he touched me with his nothingness there was only shock to realize how far i'd left him behind I now fear your rough contact and usmeshka right before leaving and I molchkom notch the head n' your share is not very soft shepcha which makes me fear and flinch usmeshku that doesn ' T hot, I more in heart, I fear that you are now your anger more quickly than hohot of which we knew than j' were afraid which you fear Oculus maintaining all that I n' do not have more d' a length sees in you, I iznashivayusch magic efforts to speak when silence as soon as you had now rather brutal after l' Ishak satisfies you right before your departure and you molchkom vysekaete me in the stone, with your lazy finger wah me engraved ledistye recesses you once have tenderness and heat you carved in hones maintaining me of you of plastic torch your passions to too quickly cool too your week hardly hot, more burns, we are both knew who furtively sorrow d' love your forces of the sheets carrying of the flowers to give rise to my zalayat wood turned before various manners vysekli marble flinching me on my tinfoil sparks shooting iznashivaya Magic Man touched to me aujourd' today and gives me with any man, j' had l' practice of at a love I troubling you about so much but this time it m' touched with its nothing n' was to proceed to blow in measurement I” D it left some

agaperostorgephilia
jumping into the fire
we dance over salient
flames which embrace
ancestors freading into
us reminding now is our time
to come together
no way i could leave you
endure me for i suffer greatly
and here i wine night after night
lying next to you holding my hand
endure me for i know not what i do
x me into your heart and let me leave my mark
as we float towards our disintegration never
alone for the word is upon us dancing despite
the fires that burn night and day endure me

for i am a holy fool reaching out for
all i can take in.



************************
(chorus of the madman)
Love is in the ass
an inverted heart
a stifled laugh
a supressed fart
love is in the ass
the ebb and flo
the long thin stream
the lemon yellow
love is purified
16 oz of purelife
love is churning in your
stomach a smooth knife

i shot my love one million times
shot her in the eye
then shot her in the derriere
just to be a wise guy
then is shot the whole world down
with my m16, but I couldn't shoot my
dear old mum who kept my underwear clean

i killed a million mullahs, rabbis, priests & bulls
i killed holy rollers, followers, & non believing souls
i shot millionaires & communists, cops & robbers too
doctors dentists icecream makers richard simmons stew

i shot everyone in the whole world
charleton heston no exceptions
shot john wayne and sly stallone
bruce willis he woulda killed us

i shot everyone in the whole world
save my dear old mom
she tucked me in and read my stories
and helped me say my prayers

Labels: MLODS

  ¶ 2:22 PM